What It Is Like--from the "inside"

Loyal readers of this blog will know I am hardly one to pipe up on matters that might ruffle feathers (at least in cyberspace. I'm more than happy to pipe up in person on controversial topics in person;)) and instead on focus on things like dachshunds and random peacock sightings, but I had to pipe up on these comments. Most were about this article from Poetry Daily but I have also seen waaaay too many other posts about how horrible academia is and how some writers say they'd NEVER want to be a part of it and how being in academia sucks, and somehow, if you are a poet in academia, you aren't "pure" b/c of all the politics and blah blah sadcakes.. But what I notice is that 99.9% of the people bashing academia have....wait for it...............never actually had a tenure-track job!

Now I know everyone is entitled to their opinion, but doesn't it make more sense to know a little something about the profession you say is so awful before you go saying you would want nothing to do with it? I mean, jeepers, you'd think by the sound of some of these comments, you'd think being in academia was lumped in with oh, I dunno--__________________ (insert a low-life, soul-crushing/sucking occupation here).

I mean--I can't fathom saying "OMG! I don't want anything to do with being a lawyer/doctor/baker/candlestick-maker b/c of all the schmoozing/sleeping around/pressure on the job to do x, y, or z, etc." I mean, sure I can say it, but since I haven't been a lawyer/doctor/baker/candlestick-maker--doesn't it seem silly to assume that's what ACTUALLY happens, even if I HEAR that's what happens? Or if I knew of just 1 or 2 instances of it happening?

So since there seems to be a dearth of anything POSITIVE to say about being in academia here in blog-land (except for maybe Mary off the top of my head, or Oliver, when he has a really good class--and hey lookit!--they are *actual* English professors. You know, who actually go through the daily grind of the "dreaded" academia??...;))

Here is my take on what it is like--from "The Inside." And yes, this is just *my* experience, but dag, I have been teaching at the college level for the past 11 yrs-so surely that's got to count for some "insider" knowledge, no? ;)

WHAT I DON'T LIKE:
--committee meetings, meetings about when to have meetings, more meetings about whether meetings are necessary
--paperwork, paperwork, paperwork!
--emails about meetings, emails from students who wonder if they "missed anything important" when they were absent
--if I had my way, I would have 1/2 hour discussions with my students after every creative writing exercise. With 20 people in each workshop, that is just not possible, esp. on the semesters where I teach 3 workshops. But I much prefer talking with students about their work than commenting by hand on their poems/stories.
--the occasional rogue student who misses more than 5 classes and wonder why they are not getting an A (or not even close).


WHAT I LIKE:
--walking into a classroom is EXHILARATING. 11 yrs and it never gets old for me.
--I admit, I do love being called "Professor." Never gets old. Except of course, when you are at the butcher/post office/grocery store/ Home Depot during the summer and wearing flip-flops and are all wind-blown and someone asks if you have their creative writing portfolio from 2004 and when could they pick it up?
--jovial, wise, and FUNNY colleagues who revel in each other's successes and commiserate on any setbacks over drinks at weekly happy hours on Fridays.
--the feeling when a student has what I call a "breakthrough" moment in their writing. So exciting to see/read/hear and so fun to see the confidence in their writing grow and grow
--making a motley crue of students of all ages and backgrounds laugh at least once every class period. Even if it is on my expense.
--hearing students read aloud some of my favorite passages in poems, essays, and stories, and then TALK ABOUT that passage. Omg. That is single-handedly the biggest joy--you mean I get to talk and discuss (and learn even more from!) wonderful books with a group of students and share perspectives on them? Yes, please!
--having bbqs with my colleagues. Students have often remarked that it is pretty clear that the professors in the English dept actually care and LIKE each other's company both in and off campus. In fact, most if not all of the department (among other junior faculty around campus) was a part of my wedding shower, wedding, or baby shower (or all 3!)--i couldn't IMAGINE even WANTING that at some English departments I've seen.
--teaching at a college small enough where the President or the Vice President of Academics says hello to me by name and asks about either my son or my dog, or GASP--my writing! And means it.
--when students come to my office hours and ask for more reading suggestions or writing suggestions, or just to talk about writing or boyfriend/girlfriend/mom/dad drama.
--reading student writing that takes the top of my head off

Now to put it in further perspective about "what went on" on my way to achieve tenure--
Background/Teaching Highlights:
* I went to grad school at Ohio State and got my MFA in poetry and creative non-fiction in 2000.

* After grad school, I was a fellow at the Wisconsin Institute of Creative Writing for a yr--a slice of writerly and food-lovers heaven. I taught one intermediate poetry class each semester and worked on what was to be Miracle Fruit the rest of the time. I also ice skated. A lot. Also? I didn't know anyone there to get a spot as a fellow. I was a measley grad student (ie. not from an "elite" MFA program) with NO professional contacts.

*When I was 26, I got a tenure-track job at a small, teaching-oriented (read: NOT research 1) college. I found out in early spring of my Wisconsin yr. I almost became a coffee barrista or worked at a bookstore in Madison. Anything so I could have enough to pay my rent and keep writing. I did have a chapbook and a handful of publications to my name. But no book in hand. Again, I didn't know anyone at the college who "got me the job."

*Labor Day wknd of that same yr, my poetry manuscript won a contest and Miracle Fruit was born! I didn't know anyone at the press, or the judge, Greg Orr, and again-- no strings attached to winning.

* in 2003, I bought my first house. By myself. Almost hyperventilated while I signed the papers, but that is one of my proudest moments that I did it all by myself. :)

* Get dumped by my grad school boyfriend of 6 yrs. This was not a happy time. Decide to adopt a geriatric mini-long-haired dachshund as a rebound. Much healthier than any guy. Date random idiots with confidence issues. Finally get to hang out with the cute guy named Dustin i once met at AWP, but didn't do anything about it at the time, since I was dating someone else.

* in 2004, continue to date (long-distance, I might add) D...I won the campus' prize for outstanding research and scholarly activities by a junior faculty member--1st time a member of the English dept won this award

* in 2005, I marry my beloved D, who is a prose writer and a fantastic teacher from Bowling Green Univ. The Dean of Humanities and my beloved English Dept. are incredibly supportive and create what will eventually become a tenure-track job for him in Fall 2007.

* in 2006, the president of the campus gave me a medal from the Chancellor of the SUNY system for outstanding "creative activity and scholarly research" at the annual faculty roundup in the fall. i was 1 month pregnant at the time.

(for both awards, my colleagues were UBER-supportive and proud and were hooting and hollering at the awards ceremonies and filling up the faculty listserv with emails of congrats and support.)

* Fall 2006: awarded one of 5 research grants from the campus so I had a whole semester "off". With full pay.

* Winter 2007: received tenure. My colleagues, D, and I all go out to celebrate and have dinner, in spite of the foot of snow that fell that day. I'm 6 months pregnant. The secretary places an order for my business cards that say "associate professor." I am now "Senior Faculty." Whoa.

* May 2007: I have a double birth--my son and my second book all come within a week of each other!

* Fall 2007-to the present: the whole department is ultra-supportive of mother AND fatherhood. D and I are granted alternating schedules the 1st yr of Pascal's life so that one of us could always be home with the baby. I teach TR and Dustin teaches MWF. There are over 15 children under the age of 7 in our department and I couldn't ask for a more baby-friendly work atmosphere.

* BTW...I never ever ever ever once had any pressure to publish. Period. Never ever any pressure for tenure. I still worked my behind off to get my tenure dossier the strongest and sparkliest it could be, but that was my own self-inflicted overachiever-ness. Yes, I teach in a small school that considers itself a "teaching school." But there was no back-stabbing, office politics or drama (unless you count the mystery person who stole my blueberry yogurt out of the fridge). I say all of this b/c whenever I hear about how horrible academia is, it usu. follows that there is all this drama and pressure leading up to tenure. Again--not saying this doesn't happen at bigger schools, but it's important to note that it doesn't happen EVERYWHERE. When I was interviewing for schools, I had offers from bigger schools, but I chose the small town and uber-collegial department for a reason. I believed I could thrive.
......................

Okay, so now I feel all heebee-jeebee about this. Very weird and itchy. This is not trying to be some sort of brag list..in fact, I don't know if I can even stomach posting all of this, b/c it may seem to people who don't know me that i am bragging in some way, but I thought it was important for people to see, especially for women, and ESPECIALLY for minority women to KNOW that it IS possible to be a poet in academia without selling your soul. Because I didn't know anyone (female, minority--i was just never exposed to them) who could or did, when *I* was in college.

To have some success without being married, but to also later see happiness in love and marriage and later--motherhood, if that is what one chooses/desires. I don't claim that any of it is EASY and that my life is perfect by ANY means. Ha! D will be the first to pipe up about my insane "quirks" and flightiness, but I can say with absolute certainty that my path to where I am now was NEVER taken by schmoozing, sleeping around, or by knowing the right person, etc. I'm not saying those things don't happen in the poetry world of academia, but they certainly didn't happen to me. And we hardly ever hear about people who get awards, prizes, publication, tenure, etc. without that. Just the b*tching and moaning about people who do. So this is just to say to the dreamers and wishers and people who are working so frigging hard on their writing and taking care and courage to send it out in this world and who hope and wonder if it is at all possible to be happy in academia??

The answer, dear friend, is YES.


Please know that this is noooo disrespect to any specific person at all, but I couldn't sit silent on this matter that is very dear to my heart. And I thought it would be nice and interesting to hear about what it is like in academia from someone, you know, who is ACTUALLY *IN* academia. I feel ultra-lucky and incredibly blessed and am super grateful in my prayers and any award or honor I get just makes me feel so incredibly humbled. B/c I know there are people out there who also work super hard and who are facing many more difficulties than I can even begin to know. But I cheer them on too. I believe in supporting other writers, not tearing them down, however they choose to make a living. I happen to make a living out of teaching, but I also believe with every cell in my body that I belong in a classroom. There is no other job I wish I could have. I may make some mistakes in the classroom once in awhile (workshopping a single student for 45minutes--what??!), and I have been known to be 10 minutes(!) late to a class, but there is no student who has seen me teach that can say that I don't pour so much time and energy to gaining their trust and showing them that I genuinely CARE about them as writers just making their way into this world, and I care who they are outside of the classroom too.

I have my dream job and it kills me to hear about all the supposed "evils" of this (dream) job by people who have never actually done it. Know that I get incensed when I hear of professors messing around with students, when I hear of promotions based on "who you know" etc. But please also know that is not how EVERYONE operates. There are some very fine writers who should never ever be allowed or given the privilege (and yes, it is a privilege) of being in charge of a classroom environment. Or in charge of being a mentor to someone. And to the people who abuse their power and give the rest of us a bad name? That, my friends, is incredibly disappointing, and I share in your disgust and contempt.

But to end on a more positive note--my own personal role models for being INCREDIBLE teachers and mentors and balancing their own personal lives?? David Citino, Jesse Lee Kercheval, Allison Joseph, Julianna Baggott, Beth Ann Fennelly, and prob. many more that I can't think of right now. But these poets work HARD and they give so much of themselves to nurture other writers. And they LOVE teaching. I have seen them all in action, in this mythical land called "Academia" and they are living breathing role models who INSPIRE both in and out of the classroom. Support them and if you don't already know their work, get it. Get to it! And keep writing, keep plugging away. Have faith in a fern. Have faith in the lake-worn stone. And I say this to myself as much as anyone else--

Have faith in your own hard work.

....
whew! That is about the rant-i-est I have ever been on this blog. I need a palate cleanser. Some stationery perhaps?